Day 27 - imperfect institutions

We gathered this morning for Quaker  worship, my colleague making a point of us moving chairs to allow all into the circle. My Swedish colleague commented afterwards that although we had been on a roller coaster we were surely 'on the up' for the beginning of the last day. I said to him: 'that's what you thought at the start of Wednesday and look what happened'. 

My retort turned out to be prescient. Within 30 minutes of the worship in community and equality the whole WCC leadership walked out saying that they were cancelling the last day if business and that they would be writing to our Heads of Churches. 

An unfortunate incident of misunderstanding after 4 days of frustrated exchanges had been taken as a racial slur and they weren't even prepared to hear the other side of the story. 

You could have heard a pin drop. There were tears and pain and anger. Later they returned to say they were prepared to hear our collective apology and after that they declared they were prepared to work with us again. It felt extremely patronising and I am still angry about it. 

As I walked out after that day, which had returned us to an 'us and them' mentality in one stroke, which had broken all the trust we had built all week, I went to meet my old university friend where she works at the WHO. I walked past the UN school, and the continuous one person protest against the WHO (they accuse them of covering up the numbers affected by the Chernobyl and Fukashima). As I approached the swanky imposing building I had a deep sense of moving from one imperfect institution to another. Imperfect institutions, full of imperfect people, trying to do the impossible in an imperfect world.

I wish I had more grace for those involved.

Even after 24hrs with my friend, tackling these big issues, wringing our hands at how best we can make a difference in this world; even after the wonderful soak in the 'thermes' - the jacuzzi and the steam room and the sauna, I am still disturbed but it all. 

Day 26 - peace activists

After 3 days of seemingly irrelevant information provision today we finally heard from The People That Matter. 

Issa Amro is a nonviolent peace activist from Hebron. He was meant to be present at these meetings in Geneva but is facing 18 charges in a court hearing and cannot leave the country. He is regularly imprisoned because if his peace work and he and his family live under constant surveillance. He sent a video message to encourage us in the work of EAPPI and called for us to support economic measures against the occupation. 

Danya is an Israeli peace activist working at B'Tselem. She is an American citizen so doesn't even have to stay but she does. She too cannot see an end to the occupation without economic measures against Israel - including the withdrawal and denial of visas for Israelis from all walk of life. It is not a popular viewpoint in Israeli and she has been vilified for it. 

These two voices from 'both' sides called independently for us to speak out for political change so it was especially hard to be in sessions where the senior leadership team made excuses for their cancellation of a great peace campaign which Steph, Anja and AnneMarie had worked so hard on. And even harder to hear their 'great' alternative idea is a day of prayer in Jerusalem. 

I sincerely do not want to be the one to tell this to Issa. 

Day 24 and 25 - colleagues

5

30 colleagues from 22 countries are gathered together to try to make progress and improve a flawed but important programme. They're all super impressive and I have spent most of the week in awe of them all. All but the North Americans and Australians come with the hurdle of making themselves heard in their 2nd or 3rd or 4th language. Some are not even paid to do this work but are volunteers having taken their own annual leave from other jobs to be at this meeting. It's made the difficulties with the hierarchies more frustrating for me - and yet they seem to have more grace towards those in leadership in the WCC.

After a rather tense day spent in a conference centre despite the fantastic weather it was really good to find a space to sit and drink together on a boat on the river Rhone.

Day 23 - the earth

A rather dark picture of a rather nice blue and green recycled heart which looks a little bit like the earth. 

And left it on some railings in one of the streets in Geneva my colleagues and I werewalking down having eaten fondue in true Swiss style. 

The weather has turned gloriously springlike: warm and sunny and where there is no wind almost hot to sit in. The flight on a sunny day meant we could enjoy the spread of green fields and ocean beneath us. It's the closest most of us get to seeing the blue green planet beneath us - it's rolling hills and forests and mountains; rivers running and cities sprawling. Ironic to have to view it from the window of a plane which is contributing to climate change. Should've taken the train!

Day 22 - Olympic Park

Left this one at the Round Chapel again. Same old haunts, being returned to again and again. This is my life and the small environs thereof. I think it feels OK. Sometimes it feels restrictive, but on the cusp of leaving Hackney for a week and stepping out to the wilds of Europe - well what does that mean these days? Continental Europe, for sure, slap bang in the heart of it, but to a place which has never really given up its place of fortune to become part of the European hoi polloi: Switzerland. On the cusp of leaving my narrow environs and my own, I feel sad and anxious. 

I hug the kids, and think 'it's only a week' and savour the meal around the table and the Disney video shared on a Saturday night. And it is fine. And sometimes good to have change and leave them and return. But I will miss them.

I'm glad me and the biggest and the smallest got out today in the spring sunshine. On our bikes back to Westfield. Across the gorgeous Olympic Park which sits on our doorstep and is ours to enjoy. The river, the flags, the incredible shapes of the buildings, the play parks, the art, the call to get involved, to be part of something bigger. That feeling will never leave me... the one on the orange bridge across the A12 as we walked as a family into the Olympic Park for the first time. Must be a legacy of some sort... 

Day 20 and 21 - shopping and drinking

Today's is a catch up - with one left on the carpark railings at Westfield Shopping Centre and one left on the bike railings of our local pub.

Both are places I go to on a regular basis. 

Westfield is one of those places I love to hate. Having had no real shopping 'centre' any where near us before it's arrival in the wake of the Olympics, I would regularly trek to Bluewater (abso-bloody-lutely miles away) or try and find what I needed in the sorry excuse of a shopping centre which is Wood Green (pretty excellent second hand shops, don't get me wrong, something that Westfield lacks in abundance, but really if you needed a present for someone it was pretty useless). So I love the fact that you can cycle there (though to my shame I don't do that regularly enough). But it's also weird. Just full of stuff. Stuff to buy, stuff to consume, stuff I don't need, stuff no one really needs. I decided that in this case I needed to leave a swanky heart, a super duper properly made heart to mark my passing through. The sort of heart that wouldn't look out of place in a palace of Mammon.  

The pub has become a friendlier, more 'positive' place for me recently with the advent of the fabulous monthly pub quizzes, hosted by the crazy, rude, kind, funny, rampant raving socialist Louise. They're in aid of the Barts centre for breast cancer. And they are a laugh and a breath of fresh air. She should really be the Labour party leader, to be honest. Or at least the owner of a national newspaper.

This heart is a more 'earthy' one. The product of my latest experimentation with the format. The earlier attempts at recycled hearts were a little bit, well, not really like hearts to be honest. But I have discovered two things:

• bottle caps are the best at melting and looking nice
• a little addition of some pony beads somehow helps along the recycled cap into something lovely.

So, these are a product of that process, and I hope will stay the course, look pretty and not cost the earth either. 

Day 19 - Rose

This ones outside Rose's place. She's been out of hospital for over a week but I had not yet found the time to visit her. Good job that she is so popular and kind herself that she has many neighbours and friends caring for her and bringing her food already.

She was looking good - apart from the dark bruises around her neck from all the lines they had going in and out of her and the deep scar over the top of her chest where they operated 3 years ago. And she was on top form. Looking through our church's Annual Report which another friend took over to her on Sunday after the church Annual Meeting, she points to the main picture 'Where am I? Am I there? Why am I at the back? Why is she at the front - she never even comes to church!' 

I said I was glad she'd had lots of visitors and people bringing food. 'Ooooh I know!' she says. 'In the hospital' she says 'they kept saying "Do you know everyone in London?" and "How is it you are a black woman and yet have all these white visitors?"' That last comment seems a bit harsh, but I suspect it's more of an indictment on the safe silos we keep ourselves in in this diverse City of ours, rather than a reflection on Rose herself. Perhaps it's true and it's flagged up to us by those who observe it close at hand: white people get white visitors. Black people get black visitors. C'est la vie. But what a sad thing that is. 

It made me doubly proud to have Rose in my life. Proud because she's so lovely. And proud because our friendship seems unusual. Church is the one last truly diverse community in our neighbourhoods. Or at least it has the potential to be. Old, young, black, white, rich, poor, educated, not so educated. Sometimes it feels a struggle to keep all these different people, with different backgrounds, and different perspectives together, but oh my is it worth it?

Day 18 - interview candidates

The heart is left at St John and St James school on my cycle ride home from work but the inspiration today comes from a full day if interviewing. I knew from theshortlisting  that the candidates would be good but boy, were they good? 

I wish I could have given it to three candidates. Or at least tried them all out for a month!! 

All 5 were competent and could have filled the post. But what surprised me was the huge range of extracurricular activities. MSc and MAs completed. Detainee centres visited. Home start family supported. Printing workshops given. Interreligious dialogue set up. I could barely keep up. After a while I began to wonder what on earth I have been doing with the last 10 years of my life. Perhaps if I had to write it all down for an application form I would think of something. Nevertheless these guys were super impressive. It felt good to be in a world with them!

And fingers crossed we will even offer the job to the right one. 

Day 17 - Red Nose Riders

I've been so inspired by my youngest son's friend. For his 10th birthday party he decided he wanted all his cyclist friends to ride as far as possible and get sponsored to do it for Red Nose Day. 

Around 15 of his friends (including my baby!) got together yesterday and rode for a total of 553 miles around the Olympic Park cycle track. (Some accompanying adults did a further 77). They raised over £1600. Some kids cycled for over three hours. Some of the smallest only did three or four laps. Some of the older ones (still only about 12) did more like 50. It was a really windy day and the mile-long track's got two big hills on it. I was really struggling just cycling home at the end of it. 

I loved the idea. I loved the red nose numbers on their shirts and the clipboard tally. I loved their determination. I loved the fact that some rode around in pairs and others pressed on on their own. I loved the fact that there were loads of adults there yelling them on, generally being supportive and feeling super impressed. I loved the fact that we could do it all in the shadow of the Velodrome in the incredible Park which is on our doorstep.

I also loved the fact that when I picked up this heart to place today I realised I had inadvertently made one with a red nose on it!

I'm sure there will be many Red Nose Day accomplishments which are just as impressive and perhaps more so. But it was nice to be part of one of them and I have a 10-year-old to thank for that. Way to go Milton! 

Day 16 - The NHS

It might not have been the swiftest referral, or best process of diagnosis ever, but still it seems the NHS has done it again. A friends ongoing stomach pain finally gets the better of her and she's in our local hospital recovering from having a gall stone removed. And getting a little bored wondering whether they'll keep her to get rid of the whole darn thing before they let her go. As she said 'Apparently you don't even need your gall bladder. Who knew?!'

It just seems so amazing to me that this care is so professionally delivered, all free, all reliable. I find it incredulous that successive Tory governments under fund it and cut cut cut, and absolutely appalling that Blair began the sell off to the slippery slope of privatisation. I expect my friend would have fared OK in her birth home of the USA, but what if she'd just been made redundant? Or had her 3 kids already at college. Could she have afforded the care she got then? #SaveOurNHS  

Day 15 - 15 year old girls!

Ah, the joy of being 15! We had eight 15 year old girls in the house tonight. Well, I say 'we', but somehow I'd arranged E's birthday pizza night for a Friday evening when Neil was out of town. Nice one. 

Things weren't made easier by the fact I left work later than I meant to. I dashed into the supermarket to get a few things ... well food, actually... scooted home to drop them in the hope I wouldn't be too late for K from school only to find our hairdresser had already arrived and was in the kitchen cutting M's hair. Luckily she was still in the middle of it so I dashed out again to get K only to be hauled up by the school club supervisor relating how she had to take K and two friends to task about running round the school after hours. 

So glad I took E's advice and bought her a birthday cake, rather than following up on my foolish plan to make her one when I got back from work!! 

Anyway, nearly 16 pizzas were eaten by said girls. 16! And they screeched and squawked and shrieked and belly laughed the whole evening long. Amazing. And slightly irritating whilst watching the wonderful Hunt for the Wilderpeople movie - but hey! It was her birthday party after all.

(I haven't even managed to hang this heart yet, but plan to leave it outside the Round Chapel near the 'Bridges Not Walls' banner welcoming refugees. It's the slightly wonky result of an experimental blending of pony beads with a variety of recycled material. We are all imperfect people making our imperfect way in life. And some of us will end up as refugees at some point. Get over it.)

Day 14 - An Inspector Calls

How nice it is to go to the theatre with one of your kids. We haven't done a lot of this, but with GSCE syllabus plays on for a short season you've got to make an effort!

I haven't ever read An Inspector Calls, though Esta had enjoyed it so much at school I had a pretty good idea what it was all about.  

I found it rather moving and thought provoking. To reflect on how we are all connected to each other. How it's just a case of civil decency to treat others how you'd like to be treated, and yet how easy we find it not to do that. And a little more about white privilege, of course. 

It still doesn't help me decide how to best help the increasing number of beggars we see on the streets of London these days... but it's good to be churned about it at least - and commit to a plan. 

Day 13 - protest

This one's at Friends House, the Quaker HQ where I work. I'm surprised I haven't left one at work already - as it's a place I generally spend quite a lot of time. But you can't go overboard with your Lenten hearts in one place, right?

Today was a gloriously sunny spring day in London with blue skies and blossom to die for. I didn't even need my gloves on the way home. Whoo hoo. And the courtyard at Friends House is one of those 'secret London' spots which you don't want to tell too many people about. A real oasis in an otherwise pretty boring part of town. 

And then of course there's the work itself and the amazing colleagues ... when something happens locally or globally that we see as a threat to equality, hope, justice, mutuality it is so very good to turn up to work the next day and feel buoyed up by people working for the good of the planet, for the reform of the criminal justice system, for economic justice, for nuclear disarmament. There seemed to be a few of those moments in 2016. Brexit, obviously. Trump, ditto. Oh my did I need to be in that place with those people on the day after the night before.

Today one of those fab people alerted us to this article in the Guardian:

Protest and persist: why giving up is not an option. A 'long read' by Rebecca Solnit.

Yay. So good to remember that big reforms take such a long time. And that people protest and persist regardless of seeing the movement in the world they are looking for. And yet that persistent protest may be exactly the thing which plants a seed for the next generation, which gets the next movement started, which gives hope and new life to old movements. Inspiration indeed. 

Day 12 - recycling

Today's heart is a little on the recycled side. It may not last through Lent, but hey ho.

Early on in Lent I heard about nurdles. Tiny pieces of plastic escaping (literally) from the chain which sees fossil fuels make plastic stuff. And they are washing up on our beaches. And poisoning all the animals everywhere.

Why was I making new plastic stuff when I could be recycling old plastic stuff?

So I have been doing a bit of experimenting. But it isn't pretty...

 

All the see-through plastic I used either shrivelled completely or just remain, untouched by 30 minutes at 210 degrees. Which is worrying in itself, right?

Some white bottles melted just about enough to make a heart shape. And the green bottle caps of milk bottles seems just about to work.

But not much else.

It would make for a pretty boring Lent. If they're all green. And disintegrate the moment I put them up. Which I know are not two reasons big enough to not persevere with recycling. But in the deep recesses of my unreconstructed non-eco part of me I just think the non recycled ones are soooo pretty. I can't help it.

Today's is a nod to the fact I should be a better person and love recycled more. But tomorrow's will be a blatant reminder that I quite often prefer convenience and beauty over reuse and refashion. And in the mean time I'm trying to tell myself that I'm taking small plastic pony beads out of circulation, and making them into something no self respecting seal is ever going to mistake for food.

Day 11 - Ralph Vaughn Williams

I don't think I've ever been inspired by anyone called Ralph before.  

But give the guy his due.. writing a film score before they had film scores. A massive, undulating (to use a sneaky sea metaphor!), crashing, delicate piece... and ode to the Sea and all who sail on her (though admittedly they all seemed to be men. Don't tell Ellen McArthur. 

It was an amazing experience singing at the Royal Festival Hall. If felt like true once in a lifetime stuff. But being there and singing Vaughn Williams Sea Symphony was pretty special. 

Needless to say this heart was supposed to be left at the Royal Festival Hall. I can't believe I carried it around all day with me. I spent all afternoon backstage. I could maybe even found a way of leaving it *on the stage* but no... I just forgot. Two weeks into Lent and I am no where near a daily habit of deep thought.

Anyway, suffice to say the inspiration remains: 150 pages of voice score; 4 movements; over 70 minutes of singing; 50 stringed orchestra (including two, yes two) harps. Zoweeeee. I mean I guess it's pretty awe inspiring to those who 'know' music and can appreciate the finer details and the brilliance of it all. But to a non-sight-reading, non-musically-trained numpty like me it's out of the box impressive. To create all those different melodies, to make it sound (actually) like the sea in all its fulness, to write for all those parts, to shape those extraordinary harmonies. Just wow.

As I recovered the next day I wandered down to the little park area outside our local hospital. Site of yarnbombing, various children's parties and Hanami celebrations. It's not the RFH but it'll do.

Day 10 - white privilege

Nice little action shot dontcha think?

To celebrate our second, yes that's right: our second, trip to the cinema in a week.

This is outside Stratford's Picturehouse. An establishment we like to frequent on account of it being at leasst 50% cheaper than the Vue at Stratford, and a good deal cheaper than the Picturehouse in Hackney. What is that about??

We saw Hidden Figures. I *really* wanted to take the two biggest kids, but it's tricky to do that without a) using up all your friendship favours and b) pissing off your youngest big time. So, I figured that Esta at least could get to see it herself sometime. And anyway I'll be happy to see it again online when it arrives. I loved it. Just totally my sort of film... great female story, great 'true' story, great grappling with deep issues. No unforeseen endings. No one dies. 

And thanks to FB again (what on earth do people do for inspiration in Lent if they give up social media??!) I was 'enjoying' the salutary reminder of my own white privilege. Good to be reminded. 

-5:29

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ArchDuke

10 March at 23:35 · 

White Privilege for DUMMIES.
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Shot by: Domi V Edwards

Day 9 - The Big Lunch

Another day another Lent fail.

Ho hom. 

It's gonna be nice when I finally put it up though isn't it? 

Inspired by Tim Smitt and Eden's Big Lunch project thanks to some FB post. http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/sir-tim-smit-kbe/goodbye-negative-drongo-s_b_15208870.html. 

Been wanting to do this for years. Must just get on with it. 

... Several days later....

The single redeemable feature of an hour and 8 minute journey to travel 2 miles to the local shopping centre was a coffee with my girl and a moment to hang this. In a pretty unremittingly depressing kids playground outside Costa coffee at Leyton Mills. Nice.

Day 8 - FB viral videos

Oops a second cop out in a row. The Good Turner woman taking it for me down to her neck of the woods to adorn her garden fence. 

It's been s lovely spring day and whilst I nipped out fir done thing or other I noticed the sun catching the heart I left in our fence yesterday. It looked like a dazzling star - literally as if it were illuminated. This one's one of the slightly saddo ones to be honest... Experimental version before I cracked the technique 

I've been enjoying a variety of FB  videos. One could be a bit depressing with a 12 year old addressing some big UN conference on climate change. She was amazing and told all the grown ups off for selling her future fun the river. But the sad thing is that this is a video from 25years sgo. And where are we now in this enlightened age?? With the stories setting added a massive wage if the precious resources in the budget to develop new fracking sites. Oh my. 

Day 6 and 7 - Lion

Where is it?

The clue is in the blog post title....

This should do it for you locals....

Yep - the women's toilet at Castle Cinema, on Chatsworth Road. Our lovely little new local independent cinema.

And the film Lion provides enough inspiration for a whole Lent-ful Lent. What are these bonds we have to those who bear us? That stretch continents and decades and will not let us go no matter what treasure is bestowed on us? A wonderful shared community weep thanks to the presence of most of the fantastics Burnses. Four teenagers sat in a row (at a discreet distance from their parents) and blubbed their way through it whilst their parents did the same a few rows in front.

What with this, a recent viewing of Philomena and the wonderful Mark Steele's Who Do I Think I am? which I caught on Radio 4 last week, I've been thinking a lot about adoption, hunger to know our roots, the tenacity to find ourselves. The film tonight had a startling statistic in the credits: that 80 000 children go missing every year in India. It was hard to watch the abuses meted out to the street kids Lion's protagonist falls in with. I was reminded of the opening scenes in Slumdog Millionaire (also starring the rather lovely Dev Patel) showing the character's early life. I very nearly walked out because I found it so distressing.

I've been reflecting on what I 'doing' about various injustices in the world and slowly concluding that I am not doing 'enough'. So, all these musings on films and culture is at least all feeding into what I hope will be some practical outcome. Watch this space.



Oh, and in a rather sad 'catch up' on Lent moment I had to duck out again to put up my 7th heart... and I got as far as my own garden railings. Sad. (!)

Day 5 - friends

 Here's to lovely friends. Friends who are generous and funny and loyal and inspirational. And who have great birthday parties. Ben's 50th was such fun - a super sing-a-long to rival the Beer and Carols night at the Elderfield, thanks to the fabulous Angela. And then dancing the night away thanks to the very well put together playlist of their 15 year old. Yay!

As I dipped back in at their place for coffee the following Monday I was lamenting the fact that these hearts are not all that 'sustainable' made, as they are, from little plastic 'craft'/hair beads which turn into this rock solid bit of stained glass plastic. I've been experimenting with a variety of plastic bottles which I'd otherwise throw away. And I might segue into that later in Lent. But Mo immediately said 'Ah but they're beautiful. And besides, who wants a heart that doesn't last? ' She said it would be like the Valentine's Day chocolate heart she saw on sale after the day which was all smashed up. Who would ever buy that?? Perhaps it's important that they will last and last. And perhaps not even fade. And hopefully they will continue to shine light and love in their little way well after Lent has come and gone.

Anyway. Here's another, on their fence. 

Day 4 - Banksy

Today was a smorgasbord of art thanks to the excuse of showing off the lovely new Tate to visiting rellies. 

The fabulous views and sheer drop did invoke some butterfly tummies but we overcame to fix a heart with a fabulous backdrop. 

The relatively new rooms featuring differing approach to a variety of materials were fantastic. Phyllida Barlow's 'upturned house' and Magdalena Abakanowicz's 'Embryology' felt playful and optimistic. And I loved Sheela Gowda's juxtaposition of human hair and stainless steel. 

My lenten inspiration today comes via another artist - Banksy. He's done the maddest thing since his dystopian fairground Dismaland and opened the Walled Off Hotel in Bethlehem. It has views of the separation barrier and a full size diorama of Balfour signing his famous letter. It's 2017 after all and 100 years since Britain carved up and gave away a chunk of real estate that wasn't theirs. He hopes tourists will include Israeli citizens, which may be a bit optimistic. But it seems an outlandish provocative statement which can only increase debate and keep the ongoing saga of occupied Palestine in the forefront of our news.

I always remember a bit from Banksy's own website at the time he started painting his murals on the separation barrier back in 2002. He recorded a conversation he had with an old man who approached him as he worked:

Old man: "You paint this wall. You make it beautiful"

'me': 'well, thanks...'

Old man: "We hate this wall. Go home"